I need to make this quick, because it is the only way I will ever jump back into this.
There is a holy discontent within me, and I know no other way to figure it out and tackle it head on, then to write about it.
What I will write is a mystery, if not to you, well certainly to me! But if there is one thing I have learned from writing, it is that the only way I will ever understand what I am feeling and to put it into action, is to take what is in my heart, shake it hard, pack it down, and throw it onto a blank white screen.
I recently read that the way to find your calling is to find that point where your absolute hunger and happiness meet. And I don't mean a hunger that is kind of hungry. I am talking about that hole you feel deep in the wells of a part of your body that you never knew existed; that empty, growling beast that needs to be fed before it feeds on you. I am also a firm believer that God has created each and everyone of us with a very specific, and unique purpose in this life. And really, who doesn't want to satisfy their hunger? Who doesn't want to be happy? Who doesn't want to discover their purpose?
I have spent hours on bended knees in the quiet, and sometimes in my own self created noise. And I am sure that God is with me, because I have seen Him. I have seen Him in the works He has given me to do, the beautiful friends He has placed in my path, the hard lessons he allowed me to go through. And so whatever this is all about, where ever any of this leads me, I have faith and am courageous. God is onto something, and I am willing to follow Him where ever he needs me to go.
And that is a terrifying thing to say, let alone, write.
But fear is not an option. Not any more.
So with a cup full of coffee and a heart full of hope, I am reaching deep into that hunger and grabbing this holy discontent by the feet. And although it all feels like an un-choreographed dance and a bit of a mess, it is all good. It is all good because clearly, God loves me and He loves my mess. Why else would He constantly insist on meeting me in the middle of it?