Wednesday, August 26, 2015

small sins

Whenever I read about the Pharisees, there is a part of me that worries I am just like them.  It is not because I do not believe that I sin.  I know I sin. Daily. Sometimes hourly. Despite my efforts not to, I still sin.  So that is not what worries me.  What worries me...or should I say terrifies me, are the times I do not even recognize my sin.

The Pharisees.  They did not recognize their sin.

I once sat at the lake at 3pm with a friend, and as our children played in the sand and water, we prayed the Divine Mercy.  I shared with her a long time ago experience; a shameful one, and in sorrow told her, "I had no idea what I was doing was wrong."

I think it is safe to say that most of us, if we look at our lives honestly, can find at least one experience, just one situation we willingly put ourselves in, and ask ourselves now, "What the heck was I thinking?"

I have had times I was not thinking.
But when you are stuck in yourself, thinking of just yourself, and relying on just yourself, seeing God in yourself is impossible.
Sin is blinding.
Sin is the work of the devil, who I know all too well to be so very real, and he works day and night on you, convincing you that what is wrong is right. He robs you of grace.

Over drinks one night, a friend told me she didn't believe in needing to confess her sins.
They were not that big.
How terrifying that statement is to me.
I pray I never lose sight of any of my sins, no matter how small.
Do not, my friend, underestimate the small sin in your life.
Small sins have a hideous way of growing into bigger sins.
Like a cancer, a fatal disease; if you ignore it, it will grow, take over, and possibly kill you.
Notice them.
Confess them.
Recognize them.

"Small interior sins tend to snowball into bigger sins, until the soul rebels directly and violently against God himself in a vain attempt to alter reality to fit his own distorted vision of self." - John Bartunek, LC, THD The Better Part